among the wildflowers: Life

{ This post was started on 10/6/2011 but didn't get it posted till after midnight }

Hi baby girl. You finally went to sleep without a fight tonight. I like those kind of nights. You did fall asleep on the couch but we'll move you once we head to bed.

I've been thinking a lot about life today. Not just mine, yours too. I can't just think of just myself anymore. I have you now and it's almost like I have two lives. I don't even know if that makes sense, but it does to me. When I became a mother all my thoughts and ways of life completely changed. There are things I never thought of before I had you.

At my job I meet with clients who have appointments with us. I either do it by phone or in office. Well I had been trying to call this woman for her appointment but she kept having to reschedule. We spoke a few times. On my way to work on Monday your daddy and I were listening to the radio and they were talking about a wreck and how there was one person who had passed away. They said her name and I looked at your daddy and said I knew that name. They said her age and that she was from a different county, and I thought, well maybe I don't then. Then today at work I went to follow up on the woman who had been rescheduling and saw that it was her that was killed in the accident. I was shocked. It just amazes me how quickly your life can be taken away from you and also that I had just spoke to her. She's been on my mind all day and I never really "met" her.

And then shortly after I read this quote from Steve Jobs who passed away yesterday. Which is now one of my favorites.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped in dogma - which is living the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinion drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." Steve Jobs

This quote is so perfect. It is exactly what I want you to do Sophia. I want you to appreciate life because it's true, your time is limited. And as much as I hate how fast life is going, especially after you've become a part of mine, I have enjoyed every second of our time together. So please enjoy yours and know that I will always be here to guide you throughout life and to always encourage you to follow your heart and intuition. I do believe, like Steve Jobs, that they already know what you truly want to become. And you Sophia, you will become someone so special. I already know this. You've already changed ours, and I know you will change many others.

I never expected my life to be how it is now. I thought I was following my heart and intuition while getting my degree in school. I wanted to become a broadcast journalist. I wanted to travel and find a big city with more opportunities to become my dream, at the time. But then I became pregnant with you and I realized that becoming a broadcast journalist wasn't what I truly wanted to become. I wanted to become a mommy to you. A mommy who would put her daughter first and make everything else secondary. And that's what I've done. I don't care that I didn't become a journalist, I'm a mommy now and that's what I want and will be for the rest of my life.

Ok, enough of mommy's ramblings. Here's what we did today :)

We woke up, got ready. Mommy went to work, you went to daycare and daddy went to apply for jobs. Poor daddy has been trying so hard. He'll get something good, it may just take some time. After work your daddy picked you up from daycare and I went to go get my nails and eye brows done.

You two met me there and we went to get dinner at KFC. You got to eat all the same foods as us. Macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, green beans and biscuits and honey. You ate so much and loved all of it. You are such a good eater. I don't think we've found anything that you don't like.

After dinner we headed to Crafts 2000 to buy stuff for your birthday party. I could spend all day in there. But we bought some stuff that I'm excited to start working on. I just want your party to be perfect. We came home after and I could tell you were sleepy. You played with the DVD's, unpacked your diaper bag and pulled yourself onto the couch to smile at your mommy and daddy. I laid you down with your bottle and you fell right to sleep. Now you are laying with your daddy, both asleep. Ah, it'd be a perfect picture. Here's more from this evening.