change

Sophia,

I wanted to write to you before I left to go see you because I never get the chance to when I'm home. I'm usually too busy to get online or can't pick up wireless internet. It's been rainy & cold today. I dont like days like this. I went tanning today. I know I tell myself not to tan, but it's free here at my apartment place and I move out soon, so I want to use it up as much as I can. Plus, tanning feels good and relaxing to me. I won't go too much though. I also got my free pedicure last night. I signed up for a manicure and pedicure for the next three weeks :) We'll do that stuff together when you're older. After I tanned I got ready for class and went. After class I didn't have much to do, I have caught up on all my homework so I read the book I mentioned about earlier, Heaven is for Real. I finished the book so fast. I couldn't put it down! I def recommend the book.

Reading this book has made me think SO much. It was very comforting and made me believe everything little Colton had seen. It helped strengthen my faith. Throughout the book their were scriptures from the bible. I'm Catholic & have gone to church since I was little up until high school. We stopped going right after I was confirmed into the Catholic Church. I wish I could still go. But back to the scriptures, they were so interesting to me. Some I felt like I had never heard before. I probably have, but never paid attention to it before. Now, I want to learn about everything. So I talked to a friend who does bible studies on Tuesday nights at 8. I'm going to try and make it to the next one :) Mommy's excited. I feel like I have so many questions.

The book mentions a few times how Jesus told Colton how important children were and how he loved them so much. This was in the book:

When the disciples asked Jesus who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, Jesus called a little boy from the crowd and had him stand among them as an example. "I'll tell you the truth," Jesus said, "unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3-4

I read this over again. And this is true. I feel that now that I've become older and an "adult" I'm not as happy as I was when I was a child. I'm always stressed out, worrying about everything, worrying about what other peole think, arguing all the time and just not as happy as I should be. Don't get me wrong Sophia, I'm happy. Just not the happy I should be. I should be thankful for everything I  have instead of wishing for things. It's time for change. I want to become a better person. Mommy isn't a bad person at all, just wanting to become a better .. and happer person. I just want to become "childlike" again. With no worries, always happy.. no matter what. I want to be able to accept things, good and bad. To see beauty and excitement in everything I see. Becoming a mother has made so much happier and has also made me realize how precious life is and how God can make such beautiful things like you Sophia.

I'm thankful I read this book. I've been wanting to change for a while. I don't want to change everything about me, just some things. But this book has helped me make up my mind. The quote at the ending of the book from Colton's grandma is perfect and is exactly how I feel now:

"Ever since this happened," she told me, "I think more about what it might really be like in heaven. I accepted the idea of heaven before, but now I visualize it. Before, I'd heard, but now I know that someday I'm going to see." - Heaven if for Real

I want you to read this book when you get older Sophia, or mommy will just tell you about it. You have a bible of your own that you got as a gift at your baby shower. I'm going to start reading it to you. That way, as I'm reading, mommy can learn too :) This is what your first bible looks like:

Guess what Sophia?! I get to see you tomorrow! I'll be there right after I'm done with my school work. I'm so excited! I have to work at the journalism school from 7:30-12 :( A bunch of high school students are coming in and we are teaching them all about broadcasting and letting them do a news story. Hopefully it won't be too stressful. But I'll be there so get ready for lots and lots of kisses from mommy :) Your grandma sent me three pictures of you today. I swear, getting pictures of you through out the day make me SO happy and gets me through. I'm going to pack and go to bed and leave you with some pictures I got today from grandma (they aren't the best quality bc they were taken from her phone)! I love you and goodnight baby girl!