change

Sophia,

I wanted to write to you before I left to go see you because I never get the chance to when I'm home. I'm usually too busy to get online or can't pick up wireless internet. It's been rainy & cold today. I dont like days like this. I went tanning today. I know I tell myself not to tan, but it's free here at my apartment place and I move out soon, so I want to use it up as much as I can. Plus, tanning feels good and relaxing to me. I won't go too much though. I also got my free pedicure last night. I signed up for a manicure and pedicure for the next three weeks :) We'll do that stuff together when you're older. After I tanned I got ready for class and went. After class I didn't have much to do, I have caught up on all my homework so I read the book I mentioned about earlier, Heaven is for Real. I finished the book so fast. I couldn't put it down! I def recommend the book.

Reading this book has made me think SO much. It was very comforting and made me believe everything little Colton had seen. It helped strengthen my faith. Throughout the book their were scriptures from the bible. I'm Catholic & have gone to church since I was little up until high school. We stopped going right after I was confirmed into the Catholic Church. I wish I could still go. But back to the scriptures, they were so interesting to me. Some I felt like I had never heard before. I probably have, but never paid attention to it before. Now, I want to learn about everything. So I talked to a friend who does bible studies on Tuesday nights at 8. I'm going to try and make it to the next one :) Mommy's excited. I feel like I have so many questions.

The book mentions a few times how Jesus told Colton how important children were and how he loved them so much. This was in the book:

When the disciples asked Jesus who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, Jesus called a little boy from the crowd and had him stand among them as an example. "I'll tell you the truth," Jesus said, "unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3-4

I read this over again. And this is true. I feel that now that I've become older and an "adult" I'm not as happy as I was when I was a child. I'm always stressed out, worrying about everything, worrying about what other peole think, arguing all the time and just not as happy as I should be. Don't get me wrong Sophia, I'm happy. Just not the happy I should be. I should be thankful for everything I  have instead of wishing for things. It's time for change. I want to become a better person. Mommy isn't a bad person at all, just wanting to become a better .. and happer person. I just want to become "childlike" again. With no worries, always happy.. no matter what. I want to be able to accept things, good and bad. To see beauty and excitement in everything I see. Becoming a mother has made so much happier and has also made me realize how precious life is and how God can make such beautiful things like you Sophia.

I'm thankful I read this book. I've been wanting to change for a while. I don't want to change everything about me, just some things. But this book has helped me make up my mind. The quote at the ending of the book from Colton's grandma is perfect and is exactly how I feel now:

"Ever since this happened," she told me, "I think more about what it might really be like in heaven. I accepted the idea of heaven before, but now I visualize it. Before, I'd heard, but now I know that someday I'm going to see." - Heaven if for Real

I want you to read this book when you get older Sophia, or mommy will just tell you about it. You have a bible of your own that you got as a gift at your baby shower. I'm going to start reading it to you. That way, as I'm reading, mommy can learn too :) This is what your first bible looks like:

Guess what Sophia?! I get to see you tomorrow! I'll be there right after I'm done with my school work. I'm so excited! I have to work at the journalism school from 7:30-12 :( A bunch of high school students are coming in and we are teaching them all about broadcasting and letting them do a news story. Hopefully it won't be too stressful. But I'll be there so get ready for lots and lots of kisses from mommy :) Your grandma sent me three pictures of you today. I swear, getting pictures of you through out the day make me SO happy and gets me through. I'm going to pack and go to bed and leave you with some pictures I got today from grandma (they aren't the best quality bc they were taken from her phone)! I love you and goodnight baby girl!

Mommy's Angels

Sophia,

I have started reading the book Heaven is For Real and it has me really thinking about a lot of stuff. Last year around the begininng of February mommy believes she met her angels.

"All God's angels come to us disguised."

I've been wanting to post about this experience but didn't know when it would be the right time. I think about it all the time but after I started reading this book i keep thinking about it more. This book is so inspirational and makes me so happy that I have let God come into my heart. But the beginning of last year I was starting to lose faith. I don't know why I was, just questioning myself more. I didn't feel like the same person and wasn't sure what to believe anymore.

I wish I was blogging when this happened so I could remember the actual date but I really can't remember. I know it was the beginning of February. Like I said, I was going through this phase where I didn't know what to believe. I was cleaning one afternoon and just knelt down by my bed and prayed. I prayed for God to be there for me, told him I needed him. I cried and prayed for five minutes. After I was done praying, I stood up and said to myself, "That was really weird". I've never been the type to kneel down and pray. I hardly ever pray. I wiped all my tears off my face and continued cleaning and pretty much forgot about what had just happened.

That week I missed my mom SO much. I even asked her to come spend the night with me just so I could see her for a night. But she never did. I was working at Cracker Barrell late one eveing and we were closing in 15 minutes. I was the only server because we were pretty dead that evening and I hadn't had a table in almost an hour. 15 minutes before we closed this couple came in. They walked in and sat in my section. They were so beautiful, both of them. They walked in and were smiling so big at me. At the time, I thought "Man, these people must know me or are really weird." I went to their table and greeted them with my name and asked what I could get them to drink. I never would have expected what they said next.

The woman says "We know who you are Josie. We didn't come to eat, we came to talk to you. Do you know why we're here? God sent us to you. We aren't even from around here."

I got chills when she said this. If it wasn't for me praying out of no where earlier that week then I would have just thought these people were coming from a church to talk to me or recruit me. We always had people coming into work leaving us their church cards or asking us about our religion and faith. But I knew these people weren't just coming to do that.

I freaked out and told them I'd bring them water and biscuits. I was shaking when I went back there to get them. I came back out and they were just sitting there, so happy and beautiful. They were starring at me as if they had been looking for me forever and finally found me. When I came back I felt comfortable and calm. I wasn't scared. 

"Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them."

I gave them their drinks and they started talking to me. They both talked about how they aren't from around here and drove hours to talk to me. That I was special to God and I needed to let him in. They just kept talking about how special I was and how he's been telling them to come to me. They said they were so greatful to finally meet me. "We are so happy to meet the person who God tells us is so special."

I know that this may sound very creepy, but at the time it was so comforting. I was happy talking with them. I just listened. I didn't say anything at all. They talked to me about how I needed to just trust God. "Your sister is very special too" How did they know I had a sister? "God wants you to use your voice." My major is Broadcast Journalism, where your voice is everything.

After they said that everything felt so real. They talked to me for about 10 minutes. They said "We've come here to do what we needed to do." and got up to leave. I didn't know what to say. I just said thank you and watched them leave. The women came back and said, "I know you miss your mom a lot, so here's a mom hug for you." We hugged and they left.

"Angels frequently show us their love by some sort of sign, sometimes a touch. It is impossible to miss it when an angel touches you."

I went into my managers office and just cried and cried. I told her what had happened and she just smiled and said "Josie, you have met your angels." When they were there I never saw it that way. But replaying what had just happened & how beautiful this couple was all made sense. If they hadn't known all that about me, trust me I would have thought they were the creepiest people in the world. But I didn't feel that way.

That night I had the weirdest dream. I had a dream that my cousin & my  roommate (who had just lost her grandma) and I were moving into a new apartment and there were crosses everywhere. I mean everywhere! Huge crossses too. I woke up in the middle of the night scared and caught myself just starring at the cross I have hanging in my room. I started to freak out. I texted my roommate and she said she was freaking out because she  thought she had saw her grandma. I lost it. I called my mom crying and crying telling her I was scared and that something was going on with me. I told her everything that happened and she told me to talk to one of her friends.

The next day I talked to her friend, Annette Lewis, about everything that happened. She had the same expierence years ago when she was young. She told me to be thankful and happy that God loves me so much to reach out to me when I needed him. That he wanted me to believe in him & he's always there. She told me he sent this couple to make me believe again. To have faith and to trust him.

"When angels sense you need them, and angels always do; they come unseen from everywhere to help and comfort you."

She was right. I wasn't afraid anymore and I had no more questions. I was happy and knew God was there and he had listened to my prayer as I took the time to listen to My Angels.

God speaks to those who take time to listen, and He listens to those who take time to pray.

I had def. changed and believed so much more in God. A month and a half later I found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy wasn't planned so I was scared and didn't know what to do. I was upset and asked God, "Why? Why now, I'm not ready. This isn't how I planned it." But after feeling my baby kick for the first time I knew that this "accident" wasn't an accident. My baby was sent to me for a reason and God wanted me to become a mother. A mother to my little miracle.

"An angel is someone who helps you believe in miracles again"

Today, I believe that these angels came to me to remind me that God is there.They wanted me to believe in him so I could be blessed with my perfect baby girl. That through everything I went through, good & bad, that he was there and I was doing the right thing. I haven't seen or heard from them since but I know I'll see them again someday. . Things were hard, but I kept telling myself this:

"If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it"

It helped me get through and it showed me how strong of a person I am and how strong God's love for me is. He has been very good to me and I couldn't thank him enough for everything I have in my life.

Sophia, I can't wait for you to learn everything about God & love the person who made you and sent you to me!

"When you are lonely, empty and afraid, remember this: An angel who loves and cares for you is somewhere looking for the medicine you need. Look for the medicine messages your angel sends you in its absence....in a rainbow, a dew-sparkling spider web, a falling feather or snowflake, or a stranger's smile."

relaxing day

Sophia,

Hey baby! Hope you had a good day today. Mommy has had a relaxing day. This week is my less busy week. I woke up & cleaned a little. Then went tanning. I feel so pale & just want to go to the tanning bed a few times. I won't go a lot. I get scared going to them but for some reason I find tanning in the tanning beds relaxing. I made appointments for the rest of the week. I'm only doing it because it's free. We have free tanning, gym, and a pool here at my apartment place. They also have free pedicures, manicures, waxing, facials, and massages for free! I need to start taking advantage of it because I'll be moving out in May. I have a pedicure tomorrow! I haven't had one since right before I had you. So mommy's toes have been naked since I had you.

I had class at 1 but I was running late so I just skipped and worked on homework on campus. Then I had class at 3. That class is usually 3 hours long but we only stayed 30 minutes thank god! Your daddy had a double header today. I told him I wanted to go but wouldnt make it until after my class. I didn't know we'd get out early so I told him I'd leave at like 5:30. He told me that I wouldn't make it in time to the game and pretty much I shouldn't go. That kind of made me upset because I'd be happy to even catch the last 10 minutes of his game. It's his last season to play so I want to see as much as I can. I don't know why he wasn't for me coming this evening. I think maybe he thought it'd be inconvenience for me but I don't mind at all. I would drive an hour there for the game and come right back. But I don't care at all. I looked at the live stats of the game online and it looked like your daddy did really good! I haven't talked to him yet so I'll see how he did once he calls. He says he's driving to see you tonight. I really hope he does! I wish I could go too. I have to be at the WVU News taping at 8 in the morning :( or I would go. I miss you so much already. I just got off the phone with your grandma. She says you've been good today but you sound a little congested :( I hope your not getting sick again. Your grandma sent me some pictures of you yesterday eating & playing!

After seeing these pictures you are starting to look more like what I did as a baby! It's so crazy. I'll have to upload a picture. But you still look so much like your daddy! He just texted me. They won both games! & now I'm hoping for a text saying he's on his way to see you. I really hope he goes! He has away games in Tennessee this weekend. Then next weekend we are going to VA for the weekend to visit his family. He has baseball games so he won't be able to go. I'm really excited though to see them. I love them so much! But mommy's going to get off here and finish laundry and head to Wal*Mart. I want to buy this book called Heaven is For Real. I've seen a lot of people recommend it. And I haven't read in a long time. That used to be ALL I did. But this year with having you and school has been the busiest! I'll write to you again soon, I'm sure tomorrow :) I love you!

back at school

Sophia,
Finally have time to write to you again! I'm now back at school until Thursday :( I didn't want to leave this morning. I had to leave SO early too. You were still sleeping when I left. So I didn't get to play with you or see you before I left. I hope you don't wake up looking for me. I'll be back on Thursday. I hope that those days go fast for you and that you don't miss me too much. I don't ever want you to feel like I'm not coming back. I know you won't remember but I don't want you sad. Just remember, a few more weeks & I won't be leaving you anymore! I have a countdown -- 48 days until I graduate!!! I took this picture of you before I left. I always take a picture of you right before I leave and then I kiss you like crazy. You didn't even wake up when I kissed you.



Uh I miss you already. Spring Break went by way too fast! We ended up leaving your daddy's early. We were supposed to stay until Saturday but we left Friday afternoon. I couldn't stay there any longer and your daddy was going to be gone most of the day. We sat in that room ALL week and I could tell you were getting bored. So was I. I didn't want to leave at all but I wanted to be back where all your things were instead of staying in your daddy's room. He teared up when he said bye to you. It was so sad. You were sleeping when he said bye. I hate that he only see you a few times a month. He has been so busy with baseball that he hasn't had time. Just know that he's only doing it because he has to. He didn't even want to play this year, but with his scholarship he has to. I felt so bad taking you from him. But he understood and said it was prob best too. Driving home I thought about your daddy the whole way. He has gone through so much in his life, and has turned out to be such a good hearted man. And he's come such a long way and he's done it all himself!! I am so proud of him! I know that I'm doing the same things as him but I was spoiled my whole life. I got everything I wanted. Everything was easy for me! & still is. But your daddy lost his father (your grandpa Gary) when he was 6 and his mother (your grandma Carmen) was devastated and wasn't the same for years. So growing up Gary didn't have his parents. He took care of himself, and still does. This has made him the strong person he is today. I know that being your father is the most important thing in his life. He wants you to have what he never had, and so much more. I love watching the two of you! The way he looks at you and smiles is so beautiful. & you love everything he does. You watch him all the time and just smile! I can't wait to be a family together. I know we already are but I just want to have our house, be together every day, every night.. it's going to be so much fun. I get so excited just thinking about being done in May and starting it all! Your daddy and I have always had a long distant relationship so I'm VERY excited to spend all our time with him too. He lived with me this summer while I was pregnant with you and he took such good care of me. He always does. He cooked for me while we stayed with him this week :)  I know we went there to visit your daddy but it felt like it was just the two of us the whole week because he was so busy. You were very cranky but I still had a good week with you. We were so lazy, I wore sweats all week.

We headed to Parkersburg after saying bye to your daddy. I get so sad just thinking about when we left. I NEVER see your daddy cry. He says he wasn't cry, just tearing up. But he was crying. It hurt me to see it. I wish we could just go there all the time. You slept the whole way home. And you were so happy to see your grandparents. I can tell you love them very much. You were in such a good mood when we got there. I think you were happy to be "home". Your there everyday and all your toys are there. There's more to look at. I know I blamed your crankyness on teething. But I think boredom may have been another factor. But you just smiled and smiled as soon as we got back.

We didn't do too much this weekend. Saturday we just laid around. I went to the store with your grandma while you stayed at home with your grandpa. That evening your grandparents went to a party and Stephanie came over with Tuck Everlasting and Due Date. You fell asleep around 10 and slept while we watched the movies. You sleep so funny sometimes. We just kept laughing at you because you sleep just like your daddy, with your mouth open. And you'll smile every once in a while. I always wonder what your dreaming of.

Look at you sleeping with your mouth open! Steph left after the movies and we went upstairs to bed. It snowed that night! Actually stuck on the ground. The weather is so crazy. I'm just ready for warm weather and this summer. We are going to have so much fun. I want to put you in swimming lessons. You are so happy during bath time. So relaxed. I feel like you would LOVE swimming. And I really hope you like the beach! We'll try and go a few times this summer. I'm excited to get you some lil bikinis. Mommy is finally happy with her body again and will wear a bikini too! I told myself after having you that I would probably never wear a bikini again. Now I can't wait! The next we woke up and spent the day at the mall and kohls. I love to shop, its so addicting. Your grandma does too. Hopefully you won't become addicted to it! You were sooo good! We were going from 12-6 and you just sat in your stroller and looked around. Everyone wanted to talk to you, and you just smiled and "talked" back. You love when other people talk to you! You looked so pretty too. You had on your cheetah print outfit with fur on it that your great grandma Celi got you! & of course a bow!

After the mall we came home and I went to dinner with Stephanie while you stayed with your grandparents. I came home and we played and you fell asleep. I was sad. I knew it was my last night with you for a few days. While you slept I did my homework and went to sleep to. You didn't even wake up! I woke up at 5:30 to get my stuff ready and packed up and left at 6. I missed you as soon as I walked out the door. I know it's only 4 days away from each other but I swear you get bigger in those days. I remember one day I got to Parkersburg and went to the daycare to get you and one of the workers was holding you and I looked at her and said, "Is that Sophia?" I couldn't believe that I had to ask if that was you! It's crazy how fast your growing. I'm so excited but so sad too. You are going to be so beautiful. I look at you and can't believe how perfect you are! Beautiful brown eyes, with a beautiful complexion. Your eyelashes are so long!! & your little smile is adorable! It all just makes a perfect lil you!! & I am so thankful to call you mine. ALL mine :) Ok so I can keep writing all day so I'm going quit now. I'll try and update the rest of the week but it will be mostly about what I've been up to. But I'll write to you soon. Hope your having a good day! I love you!

last day at daddy's

Sophia,
hey baby! Figured I'd post now because I  have time. You are now in your jump jump watching tv. You jump all the time now in your jump. Like crazy! The bat on your jump jump is your favorite. You hold onto it the whole time and you love chewing on it. You act like it's the first time seeing all the animals on it too. I'll show you the parrot above you and you'll scream and jump. You do that with me too. I had you in front of me in the jump jump and I was behind you for only like five mintues. I came back and said "What are you doing?!" and you smiled so big and jumped and swung your arms. You acted like you hadn't seen me in weeks. I loved it. You also sit in there and play, and make farting noises. You make that noise all the time. But you are always so happy in your jump jump.

You were a little better yesterday with the teething. You still threw your fits but not as much. The weather wasn't the prettiest so we were stuck inside all day :( I can't wait until summer so we can be outside more often. You really like to be outside. Yesterday evening you went to sleep around 9 and your daddy and I made steak for dinner. I think we needed that. We don't get to spend time just us anymore. And with you being so cranky from your teeth and daddy so busy with school and baseball while we've been here has been kind of crazy. Your daddy and I have been arguing and getting irritable with each other but I know its because we're both just stressed. So dinner was very nice. You even slept ALL night last night. You slept SO good! I couldn't believe it.

But today is our last day at daddy's. He has games this weekend in Charleston I think. So we're just going to leave tomorrow when he leaves. I'd like to stay longer, but I don't want to be here by ourselves all day. So we'll get to be back in Parkersburg tomorrow. I don't want Spring Break to end, but it just means closer to graduation, and closer to spending everyday with you. I've really enjoyed these days together, even though you've been super cranky. And I know your daddy has too.

Your daddy's in class now so I'm stuck with you while he's gone. He's going to be pretty busy today with school work and practice :( but we'll try and find time for the three of us. I'm going to feed and change you. I'm sure take pictures of you. But I hope your teeth aren't hurting you too bad today. Talk to you soon. I love you!

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. One of mommy's best friend Kayla just found out she is having a baby! & she found out the same day I did a year later. I think that is so crazy! So her baby will be born around the same time you are! She's been talking to me a lot about everything. She's in the same place I was in a year ago. She is going to make a wonderful mommy. I am so excited for her. & I'm happy I'm going to have another friend whose a mommy and you will have another friend too :) You two will only be a year apart. I can't wait. Kayla & I have been friends for a very long time. And have done so much together. We used to go to the beach every year together. Last year was the first time I haven't gone. I was pregnant with you and just didn't feel like going. I should have went. Maybe me, you, kayla & her baby can all go to the beach together!  It's just so crazy she found out the same day as me a year later. We are so much alike!

a year ago today ..

Sophia,
Hey baby! Sorry it's been a few days again. I have been super busy with you! I don't know if it's because your teething or just going through a growth spurt but your constantly hungry and cranky! Daddy and I are exhausted. But today is a very special day for your daddy and i. A year ago today we found out i was pregnant with you. We were very scared at the time. I even cried for a few days. But not because we didn't want you Sophia, we were just scared. We both had a year left of school, & no jobs. I think that was what worried us the most. We wanted everything to be perfect for you. I was mostly afraid to tell my parents. And it was hard news for them and took them a few days to come around but they supported me through everything and love you so much now! They have helped us out so much to make everything perfect for you, just how we wanted it.

I remember the day I found out like it was yesterday. I think at the time I knew I was pregnant just didn't want to accept it. My body was telling me I was. I was late on my period, sick all the time, slept any chance I could get and my breasts were hurting SO much. AND I had dreams about a baby. One dream I was holding a little baby boy and your daddy came home and was like let me see the baby and I wouldn't let him hold the baby. And I just remember holding and starring at this baby. The next dream I had was a little scary. I was laying on a raft in a pool and I was only like two months pregnant (how far along I was when I found out I was pregnant) and someone came with this long metal thing and stabbed me in the stomach with it. I went to the hospital and gave birth to a baby and nothing was wrong with the baby. I don't know just weird dreams. And they were all about a baby boy.

A year ago today my roommate at the time Brittany and I went to the student health at Ruby Hospital in Morgantown. It was raining and I went right after my morning class. I even remember what I was wearing. I signed in and they asked me why I was here. I got nervous and said "Birth Control questions." They called me in and I went back there and she asked me what was wrong and I said, "I just want to take a pregnancy test." I had taken two a few days before and they said I was pregnant but I told myself they were cheap and wrong. I went back and took the test, waited a few mintues and the nurse came into the room.

I was so nervous and so glad Brittany was there with me. She came in and said, "Well your pregnant" I just started crying and crying. I was so scared. And now I wish I would have just been happy and enjoy it. I should have just accepted it. But at the time I wasn't thinking about the beautiful baby girl I would have months later. The one that I will get to love and kiss and watch grow! I was just thinking "What am I going to tell my parents" The nurse talked to me about "options" I could take if I didn't want to keep my baby and also what to do next if I did. I was so scared and didn't know what to do that I listened to both options. I wish the other option never would have crossed my mind. I just didn't want my parents to hate me. I should have known they'd be there for me.

We left and I called your daddy. I was crying and I think he knew. I just said "I'm pregnant" and he didnt say anything for the longest time. Then he asked if I was ok. I was, just scared. We talked about stuff and about what we were going to do. I am so thankful that your daddy is so understanding and loves me. You are a lucky girl Sophia to have him as your daddy. The next few days and weeks were tough for mommy. I was just trying to figure everything out. I had a saying that helped me get through everything. If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it. I told myself that everyday. He def. got me through everything Sophia. He gave me you for a reason and knew I could make it. He wanted to show me I was strong. He wanted me to be your mommy! & I thank him everyday for giving me you.

And now your here with us. Your 5 months old now!! I can't believe it! It's gone by so fast. I feel like I was just finding out I was pregnant. Your growing up so fast! You had your 5month "birthday" on Sunday. Since mommy is on Spring Break I got to spend it with you :) I put you in this pretty little dress & we just spent the day together playing and loving on each other. It was really nice out so I took out for some pictures :)

The next day {Monday} we packed up everything and was ready to head to your daddy's for the week for Spring Break. I packed SO much. It took us a while to get going because you were a little cranky. I really hope it's just your poor little teeth coming through. But it gets to where I want to cry. But we stopped by the daycare to say bye to your grandma. She cried so much. She didn't want me to take you. She loves you so much. I hear her saying "Sophia, I love you so much, your my life" I don't think I ever heard her say that to me. But you slept the whole way to your daddy's. He was so happy to see you! :) We've just been hanging out in his room. He still has class and practice so I try and keep you entertained in his room while he's gone. And When he gets back, your all his. Here are some pictures of you two playing together! You love him so much!



We went for a mini walk yesterday and I have just been trying everything I can to make you happy while your teeth hurt. Ive been letting you chew on frozen fruit and carrots. And of course all your chew toys.

Last night we got to visit with baby Kinsley! She is so pretty! I was nervous about taking you over there because you had been so cranky that day & it was pretty late. But they were leaving the next day and I really wanted to see her and her mommy! We stopped by last night after we fed you. Bad idea, you ended up spitting up all over the couch! I felt so bad. & you also spit on Kinsley's mommys face. Your bad. But your daddy and I got to talk with her parents while you two stared at each other! Then I think you both got sleepy. We'll get together again so you two can play and see each other more. Here are you two last night. She is 3 months younger than you!

We came back and you slept pretty good last night. You haven't been too cranky today. I've been trying to keep you very busy! I even put you in front of the window so you can watch all the stuff going on outside. You loved it.

You are napping with your daddy now. I am going to get off here and clean up a little. We've destroyed your daddy's room. I'm going to talk him into going on a walk with us. It looks pretty outside. Maybe I'll write to you again tonight. If not, I'll talk to you soon. Hope your not in too much pain because of your teeth. Mommy loves you!

first day of Spring Break!

Sophia,

Mommy is FINALLY on Spring Break for a week! I'm so excited to get to spend it with you! I don't have to worry about school work, just our time together! :) I thought this week was going to be very stressful but it wasn't at all. I actually turned in my news story before 9pm!! I'm usually in the edit labs till midnight. I got done around 7:30 & I'm pretty satisfied with my story. She said it will probably make show, but she's always saying that. I have to redo my stand up though. She said the room I did it in was "boring" so I'm doing it in your room when I get home. Your room is so pretty. Mommy's kind of jealous. I guess it's still my room too because my bed is in it but we have it decorated just for you with your crib. You still haven't slept in your crib yet. I don't want to have you in your room.

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. You wore your outfit we got for her. Your grandma sent pictures, you looked so pretty. We didn't have a bow made for you but she did put something on your head. I don't know what it is, so when you get older, and see these pictures, just know I didn't put that on you. Mommy wore green today too but I didn't look as cute as you.

   

 

  



I woke up to <~ that picture of you this morning. It made me so happy knowing that in just a few hours I'll be able to see that smile of yours that you give me after a few days of not seeing me and to finally hold you and kiss you a million times! I'm going to work on an assignment here real quick so I don't have to worry about it when I'm home with you. I still need pack, & I'll end up packing so much. I'm always afraid I won't have enough clothes & then i have to straighten my hair :( AND then I'll finally be on my way to see you. I'm so excited. I'll try and blog every day while I'm on break because I'm sure we'll be doing lots of stuff! I really enjoy blogging, I want to be able to just go back and remember all these memories if I ever do forget. I just hope I keep up with this! I'll see you in a few hours baby girl! I love you!                                                 

Ten fingers, ten toes. She's laughter and teardrops. So small and brand new and amazing angelic. She's sent to bless you. She's one special baby. The best of life's treasure and will grant & bless you many hours of great pleasure.



St. Patrick's Day!

Sophia,
Happy St. Patrick's Day baby girl. I'm very sad I won't be able to spend it with you. Mommy has a lot of stuff to turn in and work on before my Spring Break starts tomorrow. I hope your grandma has you in something green today, I don't want you to get pinched. You have a "My 1st St. Patrick's Day" outfit so I'm sure you're wearing that. I hope she sends a picture of you wearing it. I hate that I have to miss this holiday with you. I know it's not that important of one but still, mommy would love to spend every one of your "firsts" with you.

Yesterday I had that interview with a woman at WVU Nursery. That daycare was absolutely beautiful and the women that owned it was the sweetest woman in the world. We talked forever. If you were here in Morgantown with me and had to go to daycare. You'd def. be at that one. They have a huge waiting list though. After the interview I headed to campus to study for my Comm test. I should have studied more. The test was so hard. Well, every test is hard for me. I hope that when your in school tests arent as hard for you. I feel like I study so much and then when it's time for the test, I forget everything. Mommy doesnt fail all of her tests, just could do better.

After the test I stayed on campus and worked on some homework and on my news story for this week. Then I had an interview at 9 pm with a mom that I met last year on campus. I had class with this girl and she was pregnant the same time I was. I went up to her after class and introduced myself and we've been friends ever since. She has two little boys. They are so cute! So I got to see them last night, and her youngest one Carter fell asleep on me. It made me miss you so much! It made me so excited to watch you grow though!

Today mommy has class then I have to work on my news story ALL day. Hopefully it won't take too long but like every Thursday I'm there until really late. I would love to come home tonight to be with you but mommy doesn't want to drive late at night. I will be there first thing in the morning. All my friends want me to go out tonight for St. Patrick's Day but for some reason I don't want to at all. Thinking about going out doesnt sound fun to me. I'd rather lay in bed and watch tv, and just be at the apartment then going out. I hate the tired feeling the nxt day and the way my hair always smells like smoke after going out. I guess that's what becoming a mom does to you! I'm going to get ready for the day. I'll try and post tonight, if not, see you tomorrow Sophia! :) ohhh & the pictures I posted today are from your grandma. She tried so hard to take good pictures, but these work. Your looking somewhere else in the both of us. I tell myself they are angels you are looking at :) Have a good day today! I love you!

early post :)

Sophia,

hey baby! Woke up this morning thinking about you! I'm missing you a lot. It's been hard sleeping at night without you because we sleep together all weekend. I love that you're a cuddler. Starting today I'm going to be very busy, but then after Thursday I'll be able to come home and be with you for a whole week! We'll be spending most of my Spring Break with daddy :) So I wanted to write to you early, just incase mommy won't have time later. But you know me, I'm sure I'll find time. I'm supposed to be getting ready and studying for a test tonight. But I'd rather write to you instead.

Yesterday I didn't do too much. Went to my Comm. class and turned in a paper and then went to my Mutlimedia class and turned in our project my group and I have been working on. We did it on the Morgantown High School show choir.

After class mommy just came home and cleaned up a little bit. Then just laid around all evening. I wanted to just relax because I knew how busy and stressed out these next two days are going to be. I didn't have too much time to talk to your grandma. But she did said you were good all day yesterday. She said you woke up twice last night just to eat and went right back to sleep. She did say you have been eating so much! She said you ate 4 cans of baby food yesterday!!! Your such a pig Sophia. Your daddy eats a lot. I hope you didn't get his appetite. When I called later that night around 9:30, she said you already had your bath and you were asleep. I want to be there and give you your bath and watch you sleep :( so soon though baby girl! I did get a picture of you yesterday of a boy at daycare and you!

But mommy's going to get ready for the day. I have an interview with a woman from a daycare at 2. Then a test at 4:30. I will probably stay on campus and get some homework done for a few. Then I have another interview at 9pm tonight! Then tomorrow is when I have to edit it everything. I'm going to try and edit early and have everything done as soon as I can. My writing conference is at 3 and the teacher usually makes me do stuff over. So I'll edit all that and HOPEFULLY get out of there as soon as I can. And if it's not too late I'll try and head home to Parkersburg. If it's too dark I wont go. Driving on Rt. 50 at night time scares me. Hope you have a good day today! I love you!               

                           

finally!

Sophia,

Sorry I haven't been able to write to you. Like i said before mommy broke her computer :( I hate being without one. But your aunt brought hers up and told me i could keep it with me for the week! The place where my computer is getting fixed just called and said it was just the hard drive that's broke so I'll be able to just buy a new one and they'll be able to get it fixed! Also, they are trying everything they can to get all my stuff off my old drive. I really hope they do, I had so much stuff on there of you that I didn't save anywhere else. From now on, I'm saving EVERYTHING on my portable hard drive and somewhere online. Sometimes I think I upload too much to Facebook but after my computer breaking I'm so glad I did.

Sophia, I take way too many pictures of you. My camera holds like 1000 and I only have 200 pictures left to take on that card. AND I have 500 pictures of you on my cell phone, just you. I love it because when I'm away from you I just look at all 500 pictures on my cell phone. I'm going to continue taking lots and lots of pictures of you. My parents didn't take too much and I wish they would have. And your growing so fast! I want to be able to remember everything!

Speaking of growing too fast. I swear you gained like 3 pounds just over the weekend. The last time we weighed you at the doctor you weighed 15lbs!! I say your at about 18 now. You eat SO much! & you love your baby food. You love the vegetables more than the fruits. You won't eat as much as the fruits. I was surprised. Your favorites are squash, green beans, and peas. Once I get my computer back I'll upload all the pictures and videos from my camera onto here. It's so funny to watch you eat. You get all excited and wave your arms and you follow that spoon everywhere. You of course make a huge mess, we've been starting to just undress you when it's time to eat.

Sophia, you love to be naked. I don't know what it is but you go CRAZY! As soon as I lay you down to change you start squeeling and moving like crazy. Even if I'm just laying you down to change your diaper you get all excited thinking your going to be naked. I guess that's why you love bath time so much too. I'm so glad you enjoy bath time. You  have never cried about getting a bath. Even the first bath you ever had at a week and a half you loved. I remember that day so well. I was all alone with you. I went to change your diaper,  had the diaper off just for a second & you just gave one tiny little push, and you poop EVERYWHERE. It shot at mommy, I screamed so loud. I didn't know what to do so I just stuck you in the bath. I was so nervous. I had to give you your first bath all alone. But mommy did a good job. It's crazy that I never knew anything about babies, never even held one before you. And it all just came to me. I love being a mommy! Want to hear something crazy Sophia, your grandman is ALREADY asking me when your daddy and I are going to have another baby!! You'll have brothers and sisters, just not now.

Ok, mommy is writing a lot and still have so much more to talk to you about. I should be doing homework or getting ready for the day. Oh well, I'd rather write to you instead. We had a really good weekend Sophia. I think your finally getting over that yucky cough you've had the past few weeks. So you were a very, very happy baby! I ended up skipping class this Thursday so I can come home to you sooner. I went to the daycare and ended up just staying there until your grandma got off work. You smiled so big when you saw me, and gave your dorky, but cute lil laugh. I love it so much. It's not really a laugh just a noise that I call your laugh. But I know your trying to laugh. It's so cute, you make a crooked smile and just make that noise. I think your going to have mommys voice. I can't wait to hear you talk! I keep saying mama to you so that it will be your first word.

After daycare we just went home and laid around and played. Then went to bed pretty early. The  next  day {Friday} you woke up so happy! I looked over and you were just smiling at me. When mommy comes home you sleep with me in bed. I keep you in your bassinett most of the night but I usually sneak you out early morning and put you in bed with me. You hold my finger all night, I love it. And your such a cuddle bug. You need to be right next to me when we sleep. I always put you away, and somehow your right next to me again. Oh man, speaking of you getting right next to me. You are such a mover now AND you can almost roll over! I can put you on the bed and you can spin yourself all the way around. Ok back to our weekend. Because you were in such a good mood, I decided I'd be a nice mommy and let you hang out for a little big in just your diaper. You were so happy. We talked forever. You just looked at me and coo'd so much. I think your going to be such a talker.

Now when we talk you just look at me and move your mouth when I'm talking. I feel like you want to talk so bad. It's so cute. You also touch my face. Always touching my face, just thinking about it makes me so happy! Your doing it in the picture I just uploaded of me and you. Your such a squeeler now. Wonder where you got that! Me and you just squeel at each other all the time. You always try to get louder than me. Sophia I really don't know what mommy would do without you. It's crazy how much you've changed my life! So thankful that I met your daddy and everything that happened gave us this, gave us you! We def. didn't have this planned out but I'm so blessed that it did. God wanted us to be your parents now, he knew your crazy daddy was supposed to be with me, so we could create our beautiful Sophia. After we played around and took pictures we started to get ready for the day. Mommy had a dentist appointment :( I took you to daycare & went to my dentist appointment. Mommy has to get her wisdom teeth out. They want to do it sometime soon, so I have to figure out a good weekend to do it.

After the appointment I went back to the daycare to get you. I just stayed there and helped your grandma out. After daycare we went home and had another relaxing night of playing and cuddling. Saturday we went to Wal Mart with your great grandma, you slept the whole time. After that we all went to TJ Maxx, I love that store! I bought you an easter dress and a new photo album! We had to get you a 9month dress because your getting so big! I can't wait to take your pictures in them. You have a cute outfit to wear this week for St. Patricks day. I won't be able to see you on St. Patricks day but I'll take your picture in it after :) Also your grandma made you a St. Patricks day tutu! All we need to learn is to make bows. After we did a lil shopping at TJ Maxx we went to Amanda's Baby Shower. Everyone loved you there. I didn't even get to hold you because everyone was "showing you off" that's what I called it. THEN, you peed through your diaper. & of course mommy didn't pack you another pair of pants. You were just wearing a dress and leggings. SO mommy just took your leggings off and let you wear just your dress. You loved it, of course. Amanda's baby girl Riley and you are going to be good friends. I'm so excited for her!

We then headed to Remington's first birthday party. You were getting a lil cranky so we just stopped by and gave him his present. I can't wait for you two to be able to play. When mommy was pregnant I was always worried that I'd be the only one pregnant and wouldn't have any other friends with babies. But now I have so many and I'm so thankful for them. They are always there to talk.. about anything! So you've brought me to know some really great people Sophia. Finally, our last stop of the day, a purse party. We didn't stay there long. Just stopped by.

 We then went home and of course played. You love your jump jump. And this weekend, you finally can reach the floor in your jump jump. I couldn't believe it. I was watching you and saw you bounce by yourself and looked down and your lil tiny feet were flat on the ground. You could spend hours in your jump jump and you are so amazed with everything on it. You want to suck and chew on everything though. I let you play for a long time. While mommy took pictures and videos. I know this might sound crazy but I think you know your name already. Everytime I say it you look. And I just Sophia, real fast and you smile and "laugh".

Your such a funny girl. Its crazy that a lil baby can make me laugh so much. My little baby is going to be 5 month this weekend! It's so crazy to believe. I'm so thankful that I have my healthy baby girl everyday. My healthy baby girl with her crooked smile and raspy lil voice. With her tiny little baby peets {feet}. Daddy says that babies say everything with a p in front of it so now we call your feet, peets. We love to pretend we're eating your peets. You love it.  And I love your feet I kiss them everytime I change your diaper or change you. I will even take your socks off in public and kiss your little peets.

That night we laid in bed and watch Aladdin until we fell asleep. I think you liked Aladding. The next day {Sunday} we just relaxed and waited for your daddy to get there! He came back from Florida Sunday morning and then drove to Parkersburg to see us. You were so happy to see him and I could tell he was very happy. Your daddy got SO dark in Florida. I hope that when you get older you tan good like your mommy and daddy. We spent the evening together just being the three of us. And then he had to leave that night to meet with a group for a project. Only a month and half Sophia and we will all be able to be together everyday! Mommy had to leave you the next day. I've been missing you since. But mommy has to get ready for class. It's another busy week for me. I just need to get through with this week then it's Spring Break. Spending it with you :) I'll write to you again tonight. I hope you have a good day today.I LOVE YOU!

** Sophia, Mommy has been following this girl on blogger who lost her sweet baby girl. Today she is 5months old. You two are so close in age. I think about baby Maddie everyday. I will tell you about her when you get older. She wore big bows just like you do. Happy 5 months Maddie!

{When babies look beyond you and giggle, maybe they're seeing angels.}

I love this quote. You always seem to be doing this Sophia. I always catch you smiling and looking right past me. And sometime I'll here a squeel from you. I never knew what you were looking at why you were doing it. But I know now. Keep smiling with those angels baby girl.

Sophia,
hey baby girl. sorry i haven't wrote to you in a while. mommy broke her computer over the weekend. i have been so sad. we are hoping to get it fixed. i did lose a lot of videos and pictures of you. i put most of them on facebook but videos like your first bath and just one's i had for myself are gone. i was so sad about that, cried to your grandma. but if you think about it, theres so many other worst things out there that this is nothing compared to it. teaches me a lesson to be more careful with my stuff AND always save your videos and pictures to something else. i dont know if they will be able to fix and i doubt ill be getting a new one anytime soon. so im going to try my hardest to write to you as much as i can. im at the library now. supposed to be doing homework. you've had a good week this week. your grandma said you've been eating so much! your my lil chunky monkey. you LOVES monkeys. i've been thinking about doing your first birthday in monkeys :) i also think that you are starting to teeth. you have been so cranky lately. you've been putting everything in your mouth. youll grab my fingers and put them in your mouth, everything. even when im feeding you, you will chew on the nipple of the bottle. your crazy. this weekend ill try and give you something to chew on and help you with the pain. but ill be seeing you tomorrow!! im going to get off here and work on homework ill try and write to you tomorrow. lets hope mommy's computer gets fixed. i love you!

tomorrow!!

Sophia,
i get to see you tomorrow!! i usually come on thursdays but i have a group project to work on tomorrow and then i'm heading straight home to you! i can't wait!! daddy left for florida tonight. he'll be there until next sunday & hopefully he'll be able to come and see us! mommy had another busy day today with getting stuff for wvu news. i was actually on campus from 10:30am-12:30pm. it was horrible. im just glad today is over with and now have to get through tomorrow. i should be sleeping but i have so much to do. i wish i could come home to you every day. that i could hold you after a long day, it would be everything better. im so miserable with everything i do here in morgantown because it's not where i want to be. i want to be with you. i will be in less the 24 hrs :) .. im going to get stuff packed and ready for tomorrow and finally get some sleep. see you tomorrow! i love you! 

beautiful song & video

i just had to post this video and song to my blog. it's so beautiful. this guy's story is so heartbreaking but he is such an amazing guy for everything he does. i've listened and watched this over and over today. 

what are words if you really don't mean them when you say them? what are words if their only for good times? when it's love you say them out loud. those words, they never go away. they live on, even when we're gone.